It's funny, the more I think about all this, how much my opinions
have changed just in the time that my notes have appeared in this
They are still changing, but the real question I struggle with is
this: normally I can befriend many an intelligent woman. This does
not make mean any more than exactly what it says. It most certainly
has nothing to do with sex and sexual attraction.
So, for reasons I am not going into, one travels about the internet
looking at porn, and one comes across a website like liveprivates et
al. Well, that place is a zoo, with only one two two steady models
I could find, and I never trusted them with a credit card, anyway.
So, that was not very interesting. Anyhow, fast forward a year or
I wandered into MFC one day and found it to be a bit more stable,
the women generally more likable, and the business model, in
particular, a third party handling my credit card, better.
Particularly since I already did business with that processor
anyhow. So, I joined.
And there I found two women whom I liked a great deal. One I spent
a great deal of time writing to, and she would respond, oh maybe 1/2
the time, and the second, I wandered into her room and she said
either "talk or leave."
The first is becoming a mess from cam-ing. By her own admission, it
is affecting her health as her mind rebels against the whole thing.
Sadly, her mental state pretty well ended whatever friendship we
had. I just don't have the energy to try again. And quite frankly,
I don't want to end up as sad as I've heard others say they are when
she bails out of this, which she will soon enough. Age alone pretty
much ensures the end of her "career" pretty soon. I spent so much
time trying to get to know this person, and in the end, it didn't
work. But, I do not really regret it. I am angered some, but
mostly just sadden by it. I know that most nights, she is doing
what she hates, living frugally (she does not do this to become
rich, she makes just enough to get by), waiting for a change, and
the only changes I know that are certain is increasing age and the
increasing crop of those who will do anything will eventually make
it so she either can't make a living or she will be forced into
doing more than she wants, with the attendant mental and physical
damage coming close behind.
At any rate, I can't see her ever writing to me again, and like I
said, I really do not have the energy to try and rebuild whatever
friendship we had. There is nothing I can do to help her, anyhow.
So, with this came the realization it would be a really good idea to
stay away from MFC for a while. But, now I do not know what to
about the second woman. Were we friends? We spoke often since
October, I think. Most days. I was never a "big spender", but I
did occasionally like to give decent tips for no reason at all.
But, 200-300 tokens? Is that really all that much? $30? Was her
only reason to talk with me so much just plain boredom? I have a
hard time believing it really was just money simply because I did
not spend very much. I never even had a "private" with her. We had
certain things in common - I don't feel like describing the details,
but they exist.
I'll probably write to her in a week or so, but I suspect she will
probably just respond "lol". That is her typical response when
dealing with something she doesn't feel like talking about. So, my
guess is that there is no future with this person either.
I'm starting to use an analogy of a good bartender. A good
bartender will often get to know you, and so long as you keep going
to that bar, you'll get a great "hi ya", and good conversation when
the bar isn't too busy. And you do not need to be a radical tipper
- just a decent person. But, normally you do not see that person
outside the bar, and if you change bars, you do not see them again,
and sometimes they get a different job and they are gone. Maybe you
run into them in Walmart and exchange a few words.
But, sometimes not. Somtimes there is more there.
And that is where my thoughts end today.
Now, someone beat me up with words :-)