I wish to add something and maybe some others on this forum will finally understand and look past the money and the business that is the primary goals of cam work, and understand for once and for all what I have seen and experienced. And mostly to remove their own blinders and look outside their own boxes they create.
|I love shit talkers for a reason. They knock me off of that pretentious pedestal. I used to have extremely low self esteem, and I have a habit of polar cognition. That is, all or nothing thinking. So once I decided to not have low self esteem it seems I have decided to be a narcissistic bitch. Good Job psychologist, you let me know my faults but I am still doing them! But hey, at least I didn’t have to pay ten bux and sit an hour in a room getting recorded to figure this one out. I opened my eyes to this fact: I’m a pretentious dirty whore, who thinks shes better than everyone because shes an organic vegan, honors, coast living, self sufficient, independent, gets whoever she wants, whatever she wants, woman.|
That's me. She described me to a tee. I have written shit on this forum bluntly and like a prick, just to get this point across to people. Yet, from a cam model it has more validity, doesn't it. Hmmm.
|Be careful what you wish for… because it’s a-coming.|
I think I wrote this a long time ago on this board.
| This damn thought is handicapping me, making me choose, but of course I want intimacy. It even sounds so much better, besides the fact that it is. But who with is the problem, and because I know my career and where I am headed and what I want to do, it feels like I should just choose to be alone. Who can handle a woman working her ass and cleave for tokens? Gross is all that comes to mind, imagine what a nice guy would think. (barfs in mouth a little) probably. I mean I try and justify it, over and over again, but I still come back to: you’re still a fucking whore.|
A nice guy, hmmmm. I admire her for her honesty and admissions here. I used to be a nice guy, now I am just a prick who knows better. You can thank people like Proximus for desensitizing this work and the emotional aspect of real people becoming intimate, he will never understand this. To him it is just a job and a business, fuck the humanity of it all eh.
This is just for you, PROXIMUS, you asked what happened to me? Well if you can't comprehend it from the above quote, then I have no respect or hope for you understanding anything outside the box at all.
|I just don’t get why some women, no matter how smart (she was an honor student in school) or no matter how supported (handed everything from her parents), they go down a wrong path.|
I mean, as a psych major, I do understand why certain people make their choices, but still.. it grinds my gears to see someone that I once cared so much for, give away herself, her beauty.
And I can see how my parents or ex or something would feel exactly the same way, even if I never got/get naked on cam, or masturbate or anything, but still I AM giving away MYSELF, for money or not, large sums or small. It’s just nice to see people do whats “right” in each of our own opinions, and especially if we once cared for them at such a high degree.
Damn does she hit a cord or nerve. This is for you, camgirl and Proximus, because you avoid and deny and dismiss, the fact that 2 people can actually meet in the cam world and strike up a real loving and caring relationship. Becuase all the odds are against the member, and basically, members no matter how they act, or interact, they are are judged and stereotyped by the desensitization and greed that people find themselves in. For the people who did have a relationship with a woman who worked or works as a cam model, even if you truly do care and love that women, there are forces working against you being trusted, and respected for whom you are. It is simple, because someone told all you women to treat all us men as fucking fodder, eh.
|When I first started as a cam model, I loved the money. It was easy, quick, and made me feel sexy. Then I found out how it was just all fake self-esteem from skeevy guys jerkin it to me, and was pretty down. I got back up again and decided to own it, trying to stop the teasing section of my shows, and just cook, clean, dance, and workout. I did that for a while, and made a decent amount. I fell in love with being on cam and getting attention from hundreds of lonely, bored, and (some smart) men. I liked being beaten down by the critics, and working myself up. I liked acting crazy, rapping to Eminem, and just going all out to see the reactions. I was getting over a hard time in my life, and covering it up by delving deep into what I called “work.” My heart was sore, and I had to do something to get my mind off of it. Going on cam was a good distraction. It still is at times.|
And now, I hardly go on cam. I just go on to make my money and then get off to spend time with my boyfriend, who (forgivingly) accepts what I do, but continuously urges me to dive into my career of choice: nutrition and social behavior. And so I really want to make a living on what I have been to school for, but its not anywhere near as much money as going on cam to dance around my living room. How sad is that? The nation of lonely, bored men pays cam girls more than they would pay a nutritionist with a psychology background, to help them eat healthier, and be happier. I guess more men want company than to be told what to eat, and to spend more money on organic food, which they really don’t care about. They’d rather spend money on having a girl strip naked and talk to them all night, for the temporary happiness. My happiness is like prudence, it is long term and based on the future. America isn’t focused on long term. They are focused on NOW. They want their food NOW, in convenience. Who takes time to chop up a pineapple if you can buy half of one already sliced and diced for you? Who takes time to make ravioli if you can buy a Lean Cuisine for a 1.79 at Ralphs and be satisfied?
It pays the bills, but when will my career pay the bills just as well? Probably never.
You see,even she views the reality of it. How sad huh. This is what people are creating there and it becomes part of the psyche of many a woman in reality too. Otherwise you have become just so desensitized to it all, that the only thing that matters is the money, who cares about anyone but for yourselves eh. She kind of got it right, because most of these American members or similar, fit her description to a tee. Good luck to us all. When we all have lost focus on what truly is important in life. I have sympathy and empathy towards us all, but I doubt many can change their ways. "It is what it is"..... bullshit, I say again.
Being a webcam model is an interesting “job” to say the least. When I “Go Live” I am hoping to make a certain amount each night. First thing to come to mind is the money. Get the tokens and get off. But then comes the chat. Then comes the people. They’re real people on the other end and I can’t help but strike a conversation. Oddly enough, some guys look for a girl with personality along with her sexiness. They pay to chat, to hear funny stories, and just have a good time with a pretty lady. Some are from the army, or at least claim this background with all their might, and others are in parts of the world that are secluded to pretty women. I’m not claiming to be that “pretty girl” at all. They just tell me these things.
It is a weird concept to chat to these fans who we might as well call friends. Facebook conversations happen outside of being live on webcam. Connections are made and pictures are seen. Real life occurrences happen over the net, and its no longer just a “job.” It becomes a personal experience. Relationships are formed and emotions are felt. When you first start to cam “model” it’s just about making ends meet, getting the bills paid. But then it becomes so much more. Gifts are given, birthdays are celebrated, days are remembered. Memories are made on the webcam. Across cities, states, and countries, people connect through this tiny Logitech Lens.
Sadly, I’ve had some people cross these boundaries and enter my real life. Stalkers have found my address, guys have crossed the line, and even some tried suicide. Crazy shit! It drove me away from the webcam for months, making me think “what the hell is wrong with people?” And now I’m back. With a different outlook than before, I carefully chat and let people know my boundaries will NOT be crossed! What possesses someone to want to meet me? I’m not famous in any contents. I don’t have paparazzi. I have lonely guys trying to reach out to me for just a second of my time. It is truly sad when you consider it, and most don’t mean ANY harm at all. It just freaks ME out as a young woman who originally came on cam to just “make ends meet.” And now I’ve ended up as an icon for the never-nude models? I don’t know. Webcamming is a whole lot deeper than the tokens.
I am told to not let my emotions be provoked. I am told to keep my emotional distance. This is the hard part. Staying close enough to be internet friends, but far enough to not let on any ideas that these guys will ever meet me In Person. Webcam okay, facebook chat okay, but hugs? No thanks.
Some say I am cold; I say I am cautious. As webcam models, we must keep our distance at the right amount. Not too close, not too far. Just right.
Sometimes I feel bad for just leaving some of these guys who are trying desperately to keep the conversation going, but I have to remind myself: this is my job, but these are real people. Everyone wants a connection. Nobody wants to be alone. And some of these people actually have interesting things to say, cool ideas, and funny remarks. Some of these watchers, who don’t pay me take it off but keep it on, are real, down to earth, men. And I wonder, why aren’t they out meeting great women to be by their side? Or what situation are they in at home that they feel the need to chat to me? What makes ME different than the rest of the women? Well, I try. I listen and respond. I get into it, admittedly. I do. And I get lost.And I get honest. And.. they see that. All live happening. And they come back, and see that this girl is real, no matter how hard she tries to act or fake it, she is real. She is here with us.
Yeah isn't that something. Placing people on a pedestal. Oh people are more than just a name in chat? Really, you are a real person behind that"game" you portray online? What a concept. Welcome to the conflict of interest. This is the real world of camming. From stalkers to perverts to actual decent fucking people, but alas, they just all are fodder,eh.
|Money comes, money goes, but a webcam job doesn’t last forever. I spend my money on bills, put some away for later, and search for my true passion. I’m educated and therefore responsible with my money. Many models go out and spend it on exorbitantly priced items like leather shoes, designer dresses, and long vacations. Luckily, I’m no fashionista and just put that money away for later. Of course it won’t be nearly enough to last a lifetime, so I search for my niche.|
I sort through cook books, photography websites, and dream of a bed and breakfast. I think about marketing something, writing a book, or creating a line of this or that. Realistically speaking, I know not to venture into huge government jobs or corporations. I know I won’t be happy behind a desk all day and need to be keep myself busy in other means. I need to be moving, making, or creating.
I don’t know how or why some ladies are on their cams at 30, 40, and 55 years old. Some have babies, children, and teenagers who are perfectly capable of finding them live. So I’ve got a few years to work hard, save money, and find my passion. Will I go back to grad school? Maybe. Will I own a business? Possibly and hopefully. One thing is for sure, I won’t be on webcam if I’ve got babies screaming in the background!
I have so much passion for organic food, bettering the public education system, and creating art. Currently I donate to these three things for them to become better, but in the future I will be the one distributing the money to the right locations. Good ol’ non profit work and helping the community…I can’t wait.
In bold type, is she describing just women from western located countries or all cam models? Well, I believe that she has never lived in a corrupt, and careless society like many individuals find themselves living in. I always wonder why a woman I have met on a cam site, says she lives in "Hell". Quite a description for a place they were born into, isn't it? I want to thank all the heartless people who care only for themselves in the world, for that. Catch my drift?
I am going to end it with this repeat:
|I love shit talkers for a reason. They knock me off of that pretentious pedestal. I used to have extremely low self esteem, and I have a habit of polar cognition. That is, all or nothing thinking. So once I decided to not have low self esteem it seems I have decided to be a narcissistic bitch. Good Job psychologist, you let me know my faults but I am still doing them!|
A narcissistic bitch, hmmm.... sound eerily familiar to someone else writing here on this forum.
Eh, thanks for allowing me to voice my opinions, thoughts and experiences here,Uncle. At least some have open ears and eyes around here. I never did anything here or there for me, although it appeared and appears that way, the only thing that validates bullshit is when it actually is repeated from the mouths of the babes.