This is kind of an older topic, but in re-reading, particularly grthngs last post, something occurred to me that may have a bearing on this.
Our friends who work in this trade are there to make a living. We may not approve of the work, and I believe the majority of performers would agree with that, but they are there as a job, not voluntarily.
We members, on the other hand, have no financial incentive to participate. Because of this, I agree with grthngs; its not easy for performers to not see us as they see all who frequent these sites. This is a very high hurdle for them to overcome, as many members will use "friendship" to take advantage of them also, among the many psychological games that are played there.
Because of this, I go slowly and with patience around those with whom I would be friends. I accept that there will be secrets, and even lies, for a time. Their need to protect themselves is greater than my need to be accepted.
I consider myself fortunate to have made some wonderful friends this way, people who I have had the good fortune to have met in person and am still in contact with regularly. As for romance or marriage, I am almost 56; women who are age-appropriate for me are not employed in this trade. I did marry one PF performer a few years ago, but differences in age and culture were too large to overcome. Lesson learned, love does not "conquer all", except in story books.
Advice? Practice patience, learn all you can about the culture you are encountering, do not expect that your ways are the only ways, be prepared to compromise in areas you may not even know of yet. There is a great risk of pain ahead, but there is also the possibility of a life-changing happiness. So, dive right in, just wear your life-jacket!!